I meet with many couples nearly everyday that are struggling in their relationship. The common phrase is, we just grew apart. Sometimes both are aware of the slow, yet ever-widening gap between them while others may have been completely unaware until the other spouse drops the bombshell that they want out. As I talk with the couple to learn more about the history of their relationship, more often than not, I see that both couples may have thought they were on the same path, heading in the same direction, yet in reality, they were on two somewhat parallel paths with just a few slight degrees off. The result of what they thought were the same path, turned out to be two people who grew further apart along the trajectory of life.
While there are many factors into what caused the couple to grow apart, it is often a lack of connecting at a personal and intimate level as well as poor communication skills. Do you find you and your spouse growing apart? If so, I have good news. Here are two very simple and easy ways to improve your marriage. The first is to begin to connect again every day and the other is to have fun. Yup, thats it! It is as simple as that. So let me tell you more about how to do this.
First is to reconnect. The two roads you and your spouse are on have simply grown apart. Likely from the daily grind we call ‘life’ with work, kids, daily stressors, etc. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the day-to-day tasks that our two worlds become foreign planets. Take time to get to know more about your spouse. What are their goals in this season of life? What dreams do they have? What daily stressors are they fighting each day? This can be hard, because it forces us to break out of our own selfish routine and to actually care about the other person in an emotional and intimate level.
The second can be a bit more creative…just have fun. Add that spark to your relationship again. It is amazing how having some simple, non-stress fun times together can change a relationship. Spend time together something you both enjoy (or your willing to endure) with the pure focus of having a good time. Don’t talk about kids, job, stress, etc.
Do not be content in just staying at your current status of the relationship. Take these two simple steps to improve your overall satisfaction and emotional intimacy.
- Spend 5 minutes 3 times this week just connecting with your spouse. Ask about their day, dreams they have, Hi/Low for the day, etc.
- Plan something (or for those spontaneous people, just get away) in the next week or two to do something fun. Preferably kid free where there is no real agenda but to simply have fun. Go to dinner, go to the library together, take a walk, grab a coffee together. Just be creative or re-invent some of your first dates.