I have found through personal experience that the overall goal of a bully is to cause another person to feel worthless. My mother accomplished this by making me feel worthless to the point I had no self-esteem left. This is how she managed to control me from the time I was a young child, through to my adult years. Bullying has become a prevalent and serious issue in today’s society; which affects people whether they are young or old in many different ways.
In retrospect, my mother’s constant controlling and domineering behavior affected me in a very negative way. I always felt that I could not do anything right in her eyes. I was constantly berated, scolded, threatened, teased, and called vial names. My mother had a tongue that could cut a person to ribbons; I found myself on the receiving end of her verbal abuse many times. Consequently, I started to believe her and I never felt loved or worthy as a child. I also, carried these feelings with me even after I was married and had children of my own. Her words were always ringing in my mind.
I never learned how to stand up for myself. I allowed others to dictate to me as well; I started to become a people pleaser. I would always put the feelings of others ahead of my own. When others rejected me I took it to heart, it was me and not them. I felt everything was my fault and I became severely depressed, to the point that I tried to commit suicide. I know now that suicide is a solution to a temporary problem; however I was in so much pain I couldn’t see it back then. It wasn’t until after my suicide attempt, that I started to receive the counseling and help which I desperately needed. I feel God kept me here on this earth for a purpose. Consequently, I began to get stronger and regain my self-esteem back. I learned how to stand up for myself and not fall victim to bullies any longer.
If you find yourself being bullied by someone, there are steps you can take to stop it. You no longer have to be a victim. More often than not, a bully is a person who has been bullied themselves. This does not make their behavior acceptable, but it does help us to understand that they too may have been a victim. If we follow the following steps, it will help us learn how to decrease the chance of falling victim to a bully.
Managing a Bully
1. Don’t react with aggressive behavior. That is what the bully wants you to do. Although it might be tempting to fight back it can cause more problems. Bullies enjoy a reaction, because they know they are hurting you.
2. Take the bully’s power away. Every time you give in to the bully’s demands, it makes them more likely to bully you in the future. If you deny their constant demands, more than likely they will give up and not target you anymore.
3. Identify and learn how to avoid bullies. Some of the characteristics of a bully may include a person who drinks a lot, is involved in criminal behavior, and is overly self confident. They may physically or verbally harm another person, or learn this behavior due to their own home life.
Types of Bullying
1. Verbal bullying is one tactic the bully will use in order to hurt a person and lower their self-esteem. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself, but avoid being aggressive. Let them know that their behavior and attitude is unacceptable. Stay positive and calm.
2. Physical bullying is another way that a bully will seek to intimidate and control another person. This type of bullying is very serious and dangerous. This kind of bullying tends to get worse and not better. Speak up and tell someone about your situation so you can find help and be safe. The sooner you take yourself out of the situation, the safer you will be.
1. Surround yourself with positive people who lift you up and don’t tear you down. Never let yourself become isolated; this is what a bully seeks to do. If others are around you, chances are the bully will give up and leave you alone.
2. Talk to someone. Bullies like to attack people they feel won’t fight back. Although it may be difficult, finding outside support from others is one of the best ways to combat a bully. If you know of someone who is being bullied, offer your help and support to them.
3. Seek out a counselor who can help you overcome and undo the effects of bullying. This will help you to regain your self-confidence and self-worth.
Absolutely no one deserves to be the victim of a bully. However, the truth of the matter is that most of us have experienced a bully at some point in our lives. There is a light at the end of the tunnel when we decide to take steps to protect ourselves and not become the victim of a bully. The steps listed above are some of the ones I used myself to regain my self-confidence and self-worth. It is my sincere hope that they will be of benefit to those who find themselves in the same or similar situation.
“From a Mother’s Heart”